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Everything Chicago Is Doing Ahead Of The DNC

Chicago is hosting the 2024 Democratic National Convention in August. The Onion examines everything the city is doing ahead of the DNC.What It Feels Like To Have ADHDOffEnglishMore Police: If this doesn’t work, the city will go with its…

U.S. Files Serial Numbers Off Missiles Sent To Israel

WASHINGTON—In an effort to ensure the munitions were completely untraceable, the U.S. military began filing the serial numbers off all missiles being sent to the Israeli government, anonymous sources within the Pentagon confirmed Friday.…

Do Women’s Rights Matter? Democrats Can’t Decide

There is nothing that should infuriate women more right now than President Joe Biden’s decision, in coordination with Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona, to revise Title IX rules to “extend legal protections to LGBTQ students.” Yet many…

Biden Administration To Reclassify Marijuana

The Drug Enforcement Administration is expected to approve a rescheduling of marijuana, which is currently categorized with Schedule I drugs such as LSD and heroin, to Schedule III alongside Tylenol and steroids, which would allow it to be…

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