bird

SARASOTA, FL—As the sudden appearance of his ancestors drew the bird several feet closer to the Boeing 747’s turbine, local goose Chester Hanson was reportedly comforted Tuesday by visions of his long-dead relatives beckoning him into a jet…

ITHACA, NY—In a shocking revelation that left the entire ornithological community reeling, Cornell University scientists reportedly discovered Tuesday that birds had lied about being related to dinosaurs. “For decades, birds literally…

SAN FRANCISCO—Announcing more than $30 million in funding toward the project, San Francisco mayor London Breed reportedly rolled out a new initiative Friday to provide affordable housing to electric scooters. “It’s far past time we got…

The Screen Actors Guild and its nearly 160,000 members are currently on strike as they fight for a contract that addresses shrinking residuals, rising inflation, and the use of AI in TV and film. The Onion asked celebrities how they felt…

NEW YORK—Following a summit in which nearly 10,000 feathered species gathered to determine their response to what they described as hostile incursions into the sky, top bird leaders released an official statement Tuesday defending their…

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PHILADELPHIA—Furrowing his brow while paging through the newspaper’s arts and culture section, local 6-year-old Tyler Endicott reportedly struggled Thursday with whether to see Space Jam: A New Legacy after reading a negative review in The…

OWEN SOUND, ON – A heartwarming scene unfolded earlier this week when nine-year-old Billy Simmons rescued a chickadee that had fallen out of its nest and gave it a crash course on non-fungible tokens. Billy’s mother, Gina Simmons, shared a…