branches of biology

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WASHINGTON—Buoyed by their success in restricting female reproductive rights, the GOP reportedly launched a new legislative effort Monday to control women’s pancreases. “Every day, women are using pancreatic enzymes to break down food…

With summer fast approaching, it’s time to pick up a shovel, head to a nursery, and spend hundreds of dollars on plants you will inevitably kill. Here are some of the most common mistakes made by home gardeners, and how to avoid…

DURHAM, NC—Scooped up after a bidding war by a die-hard fan who intends to display it in his private residence, Michael Jordan’s game-used tongue sold for 1.38 million dollarsat auction Friday. “We’re talking about a piece of basketball…

A woman in the U.K. gave birth to twins conceived three weeks apart in a rare phenomenon called superfetation, which occurs when a separate, new pregnancy occurs during an initial pregnancy. What do you think?“And she’s sure they’re both…

SAN DIEGO—Adopting the tactical maneuver immediately upon deployment at the San Diego Zoo, the Blanchard family of Chula Vista, CA fanned out into a classic wedge formation in order to assert, achieve, and maintain dominance of the…

TEMPLETON, CA—Jostling for position amid a mass of confused sparrows and warblers, local birds in the backyard of resident George DiMaro expressed frustration Friday that his feeder was full of “goddamn tourists.” “Every March,all these…

MEMPHIS, TN—Citing the complications that a sexual relationship inevitably brings, officials at the Memphis Zoo confirmed Monday that giant pandas Ya Ya and Le Le had not mated because they were both worried about messing up their…

STAMFORD, CT—In a sexual education course intended to broaden the children’s knowledge of the important issue, elementary school teacher Sandra Burns announced Friday that “the penis is the male reproductive organ” to a fifth-grade class…

NEW YORK—Grumbling over the federal official’s nitpicking behavior, sources told reporters Monday that local judge Galen Salerno was a real stickler about the Biological Weapons Anti-Terrorism Act Of 1989. “Jeez, this guy’s really putting…