Burger King

California raised the minimum wage of the state’s fast-food workers to $20 per hour on April 1. It wasn’t a silly April Fools joke, and no one was laughing because the law’s devastating effects on restaurants and workers are as bad as its…

WASHINGTON—Calling the theft a profound wake-up call amid a nationwide epidemic of drug abuse, Congress passed bipartisan legislation to address the opioid crisis Wednesday after their addict cousin Clem stole their Xbox Series X. “Today,…

Andy Reid: “Hold on, I’ve got this. It’s a 12-way tie between the burger at Cosmo Burger, the burger at Waldo Café, the burger at Grand Street Lenexa, the burger at McDonald’s, the burger at Burger King, the burger at Danny’s Burger Shack,…

In a controversial opinion piece penned for The New York Times, acclaimed film director Martin Scorcese argued that Marvel movies cannot be classified as cinema. The Onion asked fans of the action movie franchise what they thought of…

NANTERRE, FRANCE—In an ongoing struggle against ruling-class oppression, the people of France again protested in a way that Americans are welcome to at any time, sources confirmed Thursday. According to reports, French citizens across the…

MIAMI, FL – In a stunning turn of events late yesterday, his Royal Highness the Burger King publicly announced his invocation of the ancient doctrine of prima nocta. For the uninitiated, prima nocta is the legal right of noble lords to…

MIAMI, FL – Following the tell-all Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, fast food royalty Burger King tweeted “Women belong in the kitchen” in an attempt to overtake the British royal family as the world’s most regressive…