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Business & Finance
Blue Origin Builds $8 Billion Barrel For Jeff Bezos To Ride Over Niagara Falls
KENT, WA—After seven years of what it described as painstaking research and development, Blue Origin unveiled Thursday an $8 billion barrel it had built for Jeff Bezos to ride over Niagara Falls. “Ever since Mr. Bezos was a boy, he has…
Differences Between The Stock Market And The Economy
As the coronavirus pandemic continues to cause widespread disruptions, many have noticed that the country’s stock market and economic situation, which would ostensibly reflect each other, seem to reflect entirely different situations. The…
What’s Driving The Competitive Housing Market
The past year has seen the most demand for housing since before the 2008 crash, and both real estate market experts and potential home-buyers are trying to understand what’s driving it. The Onion looks at the factors driving the competitive…
Economic Headwinds Narrowly Avoid C-Suite Budget For 15th Consecutive Quarter
NEW YORK—After their compensation packages emerged from the difficult commercial landscape unscathed, top executives at Symbios Enterprises told reporters Friday that economic headwinds had narrowly avoided C-suite budgets for the 15th…
Boyfriend Announces Plans To Black Out And Spend $600 At Golf Simulator
MILWAUKEE—Saying he had no idea at what hour of the night or early morning he would return, local boyfriend Adrian Martin announced Wednesday that he planned to black out and spend upwards of $600 at a golf simulator. “Yeah, I’m heading out…
Man In Impeccably Tailored Suit Urges Americans To Invest In Stock Market
NEW YORK—Enrapturing the nation with his well-pressed trousers and matching jacket, a man in an impeccably tailored suit, allegedly with a pocket square and everything, urged Americans to invest in the stock market, sources confirmed…
New Monthly Subscription Box Sends Customers 10 Things From Founder’s House He Doesn’t Want Anymore
SAN FRANCISCO—Joining a plethora of similar subscription boxes already on the market, a new service called BradBox ships customers 10 items every month that company founder and CEO Brad Lazarow has around his home but no longer wants.…
Whole Foods didn’t break the law by banning pins and face masks with BLM slogans, judge rules
(Business Insider) — Whole Foods didn’t break the law when it banned workers from wearing apparel and accessories with Black Lives Matter slogans and in some cases disciplined them for breaking this policy, a federal judge has ruled.
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