Canada

TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve heard tell about for years. “We’re just so excited to…

OTTAWA – A poll asking Canadians what our country and its military allies should do to halt Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has revealed that an overwhelming number of Canadians are not experts at military or diplomatic strategy. “Our poll…

OTTAWA – Health Canada has released the results of a national survey over the past week which confirms expert suspicions that every person in the country is confident they’ve already caught COVID by now. “All our respondents had a high…

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks in the House of Commons about the implementation of the Emergencies Act in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, February 17, 2022. (Patrick Doyle/Reuters) The Canadian House of Commons voted Monday…

Police officers gather as truckers and supporters continue to protest against Covid vaccine mandates in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, February 17, 2022. (Lars Hagberg/Reuters) Ottawa police arrested multiple protesters with the “Freedom…

BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all these fucking protestors I’m at my goddamn…

Police members patrol a downtown area where trucks are blocking roads as truckers and their supporters continue to protest against the coronavirus vaccine mandates, in Ottawa, Canada, February 8, 2022. (Patrick Doyle/Reuters) Ottawa…

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau with Minister of Public Safety Marco Mendicino, Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland, Minister of Justice David Lametti, and Minister of Emergency Preparedness Bill Blair, at a news conference on…

OTTAWA – Canadians celebrated their inaugural Emotional Labour Day this Tuesday, a holiday honouring the women who thanklessly drain their emotional resources for the sake of keeping the peace. At a press conference, Liberal MP Doug Balmer…

OTTAWA – In response to the new omicron variant of Covid-19 the Canadian government has announced new travel restrictions, aimed at preventing any vaccines from leaving Canada for other countries. “The rise of variants of concern means…