Canada

OTTAWA – In a recent statement, the nation’s millennials have called for the definition of “youth” to be urgently changed to whatever age they are right now. “This is a crisis,” says Ashley Molina, spokesperson for the millennials. “Youth…

BALI – Following Chinese claims that Justin Trudeau was acting in a “condescending manner” toward Xi Jinping, the Canadian prime minister has assured Chinese officials he is only condescending to Canadian voters. “President Xi and I may…

HALIFAX – In a press conference Wednesday, Nova Scotia Premier Tim Houston insisted that reports of Nova Scotia’s crumbling healthcare system have been overblown, and that the province’s healthcare system is actually in great shape so long…

OTTAWA, ON- Canada has finally stepped into the 19th century by removing labour limits on how many hours international students are allowed to work, so that they don’t need to wait for graduation to be unfairly treated by employers “For too…

GENEVA – Several diplomats have disclosed to the international press their growing concern that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to run his mouth about Putin as if he is oblivious to the fact that anyone looking at a map for…

TORONTO – Hockey Canada’s CEO and board of directors have resigned and finally acknowledged the true victims of a long ordeal that has damaged the sport’s reputation – its corporate sponsors. “I would like to profoundly apologize to Bauer,…

OTTAWA – Stupfication gripped the nation when U.S. News announced Canada had slipped from its first-place rating on their list of best countries in the world, with no Canadian really sure how the country secured it in the first place, or…

TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays get ready to host the Seattle Mariners in the MLB Playoffs this weekend, the approximately 33 million Canadians who don’t live in Toronto are getting ready to put aside their prejudices and root for the…

BRAMPTON — The results of a customer satisfaction survey have revealed that all 1,392 Shoppers Drug Mart locations have tied for worst. This data vindicates millions of Canadians who have long-touted their local Shoppers as “rock-bottom.”…

OTTAWA – The results of the CPC leadership competition are in and, on the very first ballot, the country of Canada lost. “The results couldn’t be more clear,” said political analyst Martha Pounder. “68% of Conservatives voted to inflict the…