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LAHAINA, HI—Beaming as he thrust a shovel into the ground of the charred and tangled wreckage, President Joe Biden visited Maui Monday to promote the island’s new multibillion-dollar devastation. “Today, I am honored as your president to…

WASHINGTON—Bowing down before the floating intruder mere hours after it entered American airspace, the entire U.S. nation reportedly surrendered Friday to the Chinese balloon spotted hovering over Montana. “Today, I speak to the Great…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to appeal to a broader audience of both Millennial and Gen Z voters, President Joe Biden reportedly impregnated a popular musician Thursday in order to boost his approval ratings. “Today, the 46th president of the…

WASHINGTON—President Joe Biden reportedly nominated popular Twitter account @PossumEveryHour Wednesday for United States Office of Management and Budget Director after discovering bipartisan support of the account’s tweets. “Today, I am…

Following his inauguration, speculation has turned to what President Joe Biden will do with his first 100 days in office. The Onion takes a deep dive into the first 100 days of the Biden administration.Day 1: Rejoin World Health…