Celebs

MALIBU, CA — In an impassioned announcement made in protest of President-Elect Donald Trump's victory Tuesday night, celebrity Rosie O'Donnell vowed to continue her sex strike that has already reached 38 years.O'Donnell made the vow in a…

LAS VEGAS, NV — Voters on the fence about where to place their trust in the upcoming presidential election breathed a sigh of relief last night, as Diddy's ex-girlfriend urged all Americans to trust her judgment.Actress/singer Jennifer…

U.S. — Scientists announced today that after extensive study, they can now confirm that famed media personality Megyn Kelly has begun aging in reverse."She's going full Benjamin Button," said researcher Dr. Mark Stanton. "Somewhere in her…

Some people have noticed the peculiar formatting Dr. Jordan Peterson began using when posting on X (formerly Twitter), but little have they realized that they are witnessing the emergence of the great haiku poet of modern times.The Babylon…

U.S. — With billionaire Mark Cuban continuing to debase himself in absolutely humiliating fashion for Kamala's campaign, Americans shuddered to think what could be in the pictures that Kamala is using to blackmail him."It must be so, so…

LOS ANGELES, CA — Rock icon Ozzy Osbourne officially endorsed a presidential candidate Friday, but no one was able to determine who it was."Iliketheonewithmembabemfemab," said the prince of darkness. "That's why sfkfmfmafdsafmbbmbb with the…

U.S. — A breaking report from bookseller Barnes & Noble suggests that a former European supermodel who married a billionaire reality TV star might not be as conservative as previously thought."She's married to Trump, though!" said Alan…

NEW YORK, NY — All charges of sex trafficking and racketeering against rapper and business mogul Sean "P. Diddy" Combs were formally dropped Thursday after he admitted he was just a knucklehead."Look, I can be a bit of a knucklehead at…

U.S. — A letter allegedly written by failed Trump assassin Ryan Routh has reportedly promised $150,000 to anyone who would successfully finish what he started. But Routh's hopes of instigating more attempts on the former president's life…

DETROIT, MI — Famed talk show host and meme subject Oprah Winfrey was showered with accolades today after last night's release of a moving 1-hour special on the dangers of alcohol abuse.According to viewers, Winfrey sat down with one of…