Celebs

AUSTIN, TX — Bringing a critically acclaimed career to a close, movie star Dennis Quaid announced his retirement from acting to start appearing in Christian films.The fan-favorite actor, who starred in such popular films as The Right Stuff,…

BOCA CHICA, TX — Friends called police and requested to have officers conduct a wellness check on Elon Musk today after the billionaire failed to post on X for over 17 minutes.Officers reportedly knocked on the door of Musk's home after he…

CANADA — The celebrities who fled the U.S. in horror following Trump's presidential victory are finding themselves right back where they started: under the tyrannical iron fist of Trump's authoritarian will. Trump's surprise announcement to…

It's the fourth week of November, which means it's time for us all to do a little introspection and consider what we are thankful for. The Babylon Bee made full use of its vast political and entertainment connections to ask a dozen…

With Hollywood mainstays like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi escaping the hostility of the United States, how can America possibly hope to maintain its cultural impact? It may be time to admit that the American dream is now dead and…

BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Comedian and former longtime Tonight Show host Jay Leno, who fell 60 feet down a hill last weekend, was expected to make a full recovery until he was attacked by an angry chihuahua that made him step on a rake, which…

MALIBU, CA — In an impassioned announcement made in protest of President-Elect Donald Trump's victory Tuesday night, celebrity Rosie O'Donnell vowed to continue her sex strike that has already reached 38 years.O'Donnell made the vow in a…

LAS VEGAS, NV — Voters on the fence about where to place their trust in the upcoming presidential election breathed a sigh of relief last night, as Diddy's ex-girlfriend urged all Americans to trust her judgment.Actress/singer Jennifer…

U.S. — Scientists announced today that after extensive study, they can now confirm that famed media personality Megyn Kelly has begun aging in reverse."She's going full Benjamin Button," said researcher Dr. Mark Stanton. "Somewhere in her…

Some people have noticed the peculiar formatting Dr. Jordan Peterson began using when posting on X (formerly Twitter), but little have they realized that they are witnessing the emergence of the great haiku poet of modern times.The Babylon…