Celebs

NEW YORK, NY—Whoopi Goldberg again made waves after publicly questioning why America should care about the war in Ukraine since it's "just two groups of white people" duking it out. "Genocide? How could this possibly end up being…

INGLEWOOD, CA—A who's who of LA elite, many of whom have been vocal advocates of mask mandates, appeared to be huge hypocrites on Sunday as they cheered on the Rams at Super Bowl LVI while maskless. However, they were quick to assure…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Legendary quarterback Tom Brady has announced his plan to retire from the NFL to spend more time carving little wooden toys for his grandkids. In response to the earth-shattering news, President Joe Biden has announced his…

Babylon Bee subscriber Steven James contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here! We're live on the scene at the Capitol building as the FBI…

NEW YORK, NY—Ghislaine Maxwell has been convicted on 5 counts related to sex crimes committed against minors for over a decade. A few minutes after her conviction, she announced she has landed a brand-new job at CNN. "We called Maxwell as…

ATLANTA, GA—Desperate to recoup their viewers lost since the end of the 2020 election, CNN has hired news anchor Chris Wallace from Fox News. Experts have estimated that a move this big could actually double their audience to a grand total…

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a show of support for the brave hero who paused burning down black-owned businesses to sacrifice his life fighting off the evil assassin Kyle Rittenhouse, actor and keen observer of murder trials Mark Ruffalo donated…

NEW YORK, NY—Tired of being overshadowed by Tucker Carlson and his glorious swoop haircut, Fox contributors Jonah Goldberg and Stephen Hayes announced today they are leaving the network to become co-hosts of 'The View'.…

Jeff Bezos Invites 456 Lucky Contestants To Compete In Series Of Children's Games For Seat On His Next Space Flight UNKNOWN—On a remote island in the East China Sea, 456 groggy, drugged-up Americans woke up in a room full of bunk beds. One…

NEW YORK CITY, NY—“I haven’t told a funny joke in a very, very long time,” quipped CBS Evening News Anchor Stephen Colbert wistfully to his staff, who nodded in agreement while producing a serious video essay about how all forms of…