Celebs

NEW YORK, NY—Tabloids have swooped in hoping to score an interview with Eliazbeth Huntley, a Bronx woman who yesterday made waves after claiming to have somehow never been sexually harrassed by either Andrew or Chris Cuomo. "For…

Method Acting: Chris Pratt Prepares For Mario Role By Jumping On Turtles, Eating Mushrooms SANTA MONICA, CA—Beloved Hollywood superstar and method actor Chris Pratt is preparing for the role of a lifetime, having recently been confirmed to…

Millions Convert To Christianity After Heaven Begins Advertising Norm Macdonald Shows HEAVEN—Millions around the world are converting to the Christian religion after Heaven announced they now have nightly Norm MacDonald stand-up comedy…

Touching: Celebrities Invite Migrant Children To Met Gala To Participate In Hunger Games Tournament NEW YORK CITY, PANEM—Smiling migrant children poured out of buses at the entrance to the Met Gala, grateful to be free of overcrowded border…

AUSTIN, TX—Podcaster Joe Rogan has announced that he's feeling better but is still going around with a long face and is feeling a little hoarse after recovering from his illness with a concoction of drugs prescribed by his doctor. "Yeah,…

CHURCHILL DOWNS, KY—Ater making quick work of COVID thanks to wonder drug Ivermectin, Joe Rogan shocked the sporting world when he ran onto the track of the Kentucky Derby and outpaced every horse to win the competition by half a…

ALBANY, NY—Governor Cuomo announced today that he has secured a multi-million dollar deal to write a second book called How to Respect Women. "We are thrilled to have one of the foremost experts peel back the mysteries of how…

Hero: Obama Holds Superspreader Event On Climate Change-Endangered Property To Show People What Not To Do EDGARTOWN, MA—Is this guy great, or what? According to sources in Martha's Vineyard, former President Obama is throwing a huge…

NASHVILLE, TN—According to sources, cultural commentator Matt Walsh is really mad about something. In an epic monologue given on his show yesterday, he expressed his grumpy feelings about several issues, like the fact that cute puppies…

HOLLYWOOD, CA—From her new residence within a tent city behind Disney’s movie studio, Scarlett Johansson held a press conference to announce a lawsuit alleging her payout from the entertainment giant came woefully short of a living wage for…