Celebs

LOS ANGELES, CA — Abject failure John Daniels has not played Spider-Man in a single Hollywood film, confirming the absolute embarrassment that is his acting career.In a town where donning the iconic spandex is practically a part of puberty,…

NEW YORK — Donald Trump was held in contempt of court Monday during his hush money trial for a record tenth time, compelling the judge to force the defendant to wear a restraining mask made popular by Dr. Hannibal Lecter."Try violating this…

MANHATTAN, NY — After coming up with a devastating burn about the prosecutor's mom, former President Trump sat with his hand hovering over the "send" button as he weighed whether it was a good enough burn to be worth another ten-thousand…

DEATH STAR — Viewers of the Imperial News Network were stunned today, as Mark Hamill joined a Death Star press conference to say what a good job he thinks the Emperor is doing.The surprise appearance, reportedly put together in an effort to…

NEW YORK — According to sources, noted guerrilla journalist and founder of Project Veritas, James O'Keefe, successfully infiltrated the protest encampment at Columbia University while disguised as the late Karl Marx."Social progress can be…

LONDON — In an attempt to lay a solid biblical foundation following his recent baptism, church leaders worked to get Russell Brand up to speed on Christian theology by sitting him down for a VeggieTales marathon.The group of assorted…

LONDON — Amid the fervor surrounding his profession of faith and recent baptism, comedian/actor Russell Brand's Christianity was called into question after it was revealed that he has not yet memorized the lyrics of DC Talk's "Jesus…

VOLUNTARI — Men who have searched their entire lives for instruction on how to be more masculine and successful finally received the news they had waited for, as kickboxer/entrepreneur/social media personality/alleged criminal Andrew Tate…

NEW YORK, NY — In a surprise twist during the jury selection phase of his criminal hush money trial, former President Trump has parted ways with his legal team and acquired Sydney Sweeney to be his new lawyer."You're fired, "said Donald…

NEW YORK, NY — In a stunning turn of events that seemed to bode well for his chances of reaching a favorable outcome, former President Donald Trump's hush money case has been reassigned to the Honorable Matt Walsh.Though the unexpected…