Celebs

THOUSAND OAKS, CA — In an exclusive new interview, Justin Timberlake revealed that if he hadn't forced his ex-girlfriend Britney Spears to abort their child when she was 19, her mental health probably would have suffered greatly."She would…

RIFLE, CO — In an attempt to appease evangelical voters who were disgusted by her display of promiscuity at Buell Theater in downtown Denver, U.S. Congresswoman Lauren Boebert has announced a brand new line of purity rings."Celibacy is near…

MARGARITAVILLE — Authorities in Margaritaville have called for all the tiny drink umbrellas to be flown at half-staff today in honor of the late Mayor, Mr. Jimmy Buffett."If it were possible to have a sad day in Margaritaville, today would…

HEAVEN — All of the dogs living in Heaven fled in horror today upon the arrival of notorious neutering advocate Bob Barker."What on earth has gotten into the dogs?" wondered St. Peter as they sprinted away from the gates in sheer terror.…

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on hard times - even the incredibly popular dancing vaccines from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.To…

MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's son in the direct-to-video film Veggie Tales: Noah's Ark, has come out to friends and family as needing…

UNITED STATES — A celebrity was recently praised by conservatives for a handful of seconds for bravely criticizing woke idealogues just moments before groveling in apologetic humility at their feet.During a podcast interview, the celebrity…

U.S. — After years of being totally obscured by Lizzo's shadow, her backup dancers have finally had enough."I'm out there dancing and it's literally pitch black," said dancer Mariah Minor. "It's like a total solar eclipse back there."The…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As news reports regarding plus-sized rapper/actress/flutist Lizzo's alleged outrageous acts that resulted in her being sued by former backup dancers, the Library of Congress discretely made the decision to thoroughly…

U.S. — A lawsuit brought by former members of Lizzo's backup dance team is alleging the corpulent singer terrorized them by eating them and their entire families. "I showed up to work late one day, and Lizzo unhinged her jaw and swallowed…