centrism in the united states

WASHINGTON—Noting that this was exactly the boost the president needed going into the 2024 election, pollsters confirmed Tuesday that Joe Biden’s approval rating had skyrocketed after he announced he would take the nation to the circus. “As…

WASHINGTON—Speaking from the Oval Office, President Joe Biden addressed the nation Wednesday, stating, “Does anyone else ever feel like they’re floating through a dream they can never wake up from?” “As your president and…

WASHINGTON—Describing himself as a failure in conversations with family, friends, and White House staffers, President Biden reportedly spent his birthday Monday depressed over not having accomplishing anything by the age of 81. “Ugh,…

Sen. Joe Manchin, a moderate West Virginia Democrat, announced that he will not run for reelection next year, fueling speculation over whether he plans to mount a third-party White House bid and immediately complicating his party’s chances…

Start SlideshowAccording to recent polling for the 2024 election, Donald Trump holds an edge over Joe Biden in five key swing states. The Onion asked voters how they felt about Trump’s lead, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious…

KINGFISHER, NE—Gathering among survivors and families in the wake of yet another horrific tragedy, President Joe Biden met with victims of gun violence Tuesday to remind them there wasn’t really anything stopping another mass shooting from…

WASHINGTON—Responding to a recent New York Times/Siena College poll that found the president trailing Donald Trump in almost every key battleground state, officials from Joe Biden’s 2024 campaign downplayed the importance of winning the…

Joe Biden has strongly insisted that the U.S., “the most powerful nation in the history of the world,” can back two wars in Israel and Ukraine at the same time as the conflict in the Middle East continues to deepen. What do you think?“I bet…

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was no excuse for the first dog’s most recent instance of bad behavior, the White House confirmed Thursday that Commander Biden had gnawed the Washington Monument down to a slobber-covered stub. “We turn our…

WASHINGTON—Spelling trouble ahead of the 2024 election, Democratic National Committee officials were reportedly concerned Monday after a new poll showed that only 15% of Americans have heard of the name Joe Biden. “A full 85%of American…