Christian Living

HEAVEN — Church elder and Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson came face to face with consequences this week after he was caught up to paradise, where 12 million angry ducks awaited him.Robertson, the devout Christian founder of Duck…

WORLD — After ascending to the role of Pope this week, former Bishop Robert Prevost has now taken the title of the second most influential Christian in the world named "Bob", narrowly losing out to Bob the Tomato.Though the new Supreme…

CAROL STREAM, IL — Long-running religious magazine and online publication Christianity Today announced on Friday that it had converted to Islam."After looking deep within ourselves, we decided that it was time for the magazine to convert…

FORREST CITY, AR — According to sources, the trumpet call announcing the glorious return of Christ has sounded throughout the earth, leading local woman Amber Clark to begin frantically cleaning her home."Oh, dear! Company!" she said as…

RUIDOSO, NM — Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen the excitement of watching the Passion of the Christ sequel."I don't want to ruin the surprise," said Blanton, putting the Bible back on…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — One of the country's most popular meal delivery services made a move to boost its market share among Christian customers this week, as DoorDash announced it would begin offering a $2.99 upgrade where the driver would…

HADES — The worst fears of many were realized in terrifying fashion today, as Satan confirmed that all of the bathroom stalls in Hell have 11-inch gaps between the doors and side panels."Yes. It's true. We do allow our residents to use…

U.S. — According to sources, DC Talk founder and 2004 Dove Award-winning solo artist Toby Mac is still out there, just kinda doing his thing."Woah, that guy? I haven't heard that name in a while. He's still at it, huh?" said 38-year-old…

FORT DODGE, IA — A spiritual sigh could briefly be heard breaking through the veil separating worlds as local man Edgar Russell settled down for an evening of watching Netflix and eating Pringles as his guardian angel stood dutifully over…

PEARLY GATES — With eternity before him and the full understanding of the divine presence at hand, local soul William Bennett, expressed his excitement over finally being able to learn how much Mountain Dew Code Red he consumed in his…