Christian Living

RUIDOSO, NM — Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen the excitement of watching the Passion of the Christ sequel."I don't want to ruin the surprise," said Blanton, putting the Bible back on…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — One of the country's most popular meal delivery services made a move to boost its market share among Christian customers this week, as DoorDash announced it would begin offering a $2.99 upgrade where the driver would…

HADES — The worst fears of many were realized in terrifying fashion today, as Satan confirmed that all of the bathroom stalls in Hell have 11-inch gaps between the doors and side panels."Yes. It's true. We do allow our residents to use…

U.S. — According to sources, DC Talk founder and 2004 Dove Award-winning solo artist Toby Mac is still out there, just kinda doing his thing."Woah, that guy? I haven't heard that name in a while. He's still at it, huh?" said 38-year-old…

FORT DODGE, IA — A spiritual sigh could briefly be heard breaking through the veil separating worlds as local man Edgar Russell settled down for an evening of watching Netflix and eating Pringles as his guardian angel stood dutifully over…

PEARLY GATES — With eternity before him and the full understanding of the divine presence at hand, local soul William Bennett, expressed his excitement over finally being able to learn how much Mountain Dew Code Red he consumed in his…

LITTLE ROCK, AR — While taking time to look back on his life after another year passed, a local man fondly recalled Christian music being cool during the three days after DC Talk's Jesus Freak came out."Those were the days. And I literally…

HEAVEN — Upon arriving in Heaven, Ron Darnold was absolutely stoked to discover that the angelic choir greeting him sounded exactly like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra."Oh man, that sounds just like 'Sarajevo 12/24.' This is SWEET," said…

MYSTIC, CT — Local churchgoer Clive Richmond, known for his habit of wearing a blue jacket, tall feathered hat, and yellow boots, must now switch to wearing just a boring old dress shirt and slacks to services after his "total killjoy of a…

SPRINGFIELD, MO — A local man faced a crisis of faith this week, as friends revealed he was struggling to understand how God could let good things happen to bad people like him.Kevin Lofton had just received news that he was being offered a…