Christian Living

WORLD—Experts have traced the source of a global super spreader event back to a God who refused to social distance from humanity but instead came near, lived among us, and died on a cross. The individual known as Jesus of Nazareth is…

THE ARK—God has promised to flood the Earth due to mankind’s wickedness and has tasked Noah with building an ark and taking with him a pair of each kind of animal to preserve their offspring. Unfortunately, all of the animals selected ended…

DULUTH, MN—Local man Bill Mitchell was deeply dismayed to discover this past weekend that in the body of Christ, he is actually the appendix. "Yeesh. I would have taken toe, elbow, heck just let me be an eyebrow," said a gloomy Mr.…

BEND, OR—Progressive Christians are saddened this week following the removal of COVID mask mandates. They allege that with no masking, there is no way for them to love their neighbors anymore. "COVID enabled me to show the world that…

CANYON, TX—According to sources, a local Marine Corps veteran approached an exhausted Chick-fil-A employee today and thanked her for her service. The Marine, who served 18 tours in Operation Iraqi Freedom, praised the bedraggled…

ORLAND PARK, IL—Sources have confirmed local Christian John Madinsky is severely disappointed he has nothing to look forward to on Sundays, now that the NFL football season is over. Madinsky says he wishes there were some kind of…

TEMPLE TERRACE, FL—A new study conducted at Florida College has revealed that the best parenting advice generally comes from single Bible college students who are 19 years old. “Our findings show that nineteen is when the human brain…

NASHVILLE, TN—According to sources, a pacifier has been inexplicably raptured from the living room end table inside the home of a local family. The pacifier was put on the table for just a moment while family mom Kelsey…

TRENTON, NJ—In a landmark ruling handed down in a lower-level family court Monday, Judge Marcus Parsons ruled that a husband can in fact be held responsible for actions taken completely in his wife's fevered imagination during her dreams.…

NEW JERUSALEM—According to the Apostle John, the hotly anticipated wedding feast of the Lamb will be catered by the popular restaurant Chick-fil-A. Guests are instructed to be prompt and dressed for the occasion. Late guests, or…