Christian Living

Theologians Confirm: Amount Of Treasure Stored Up In Heaven Directly Proportional To Your Bible App Daily Streak WORLD—Top theologians have confirmed that the amount of treasure you have stored up in heaven will now be directly related to…

NORTH ADAMS, MA—Local dad Jimmy O’Keaveney is giving praise to God for a speedy recovery from a mystery illness that kept him from attending church on Sunday. O’Keaveney says he was miraculously healed just in time to make it to the…

Babylon Mom: It's Important To Spend A Lot Of Time Doing Self-Care And Also Has Anyone Seen Aiden? Hey everyone, sorry it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s just been crazy around here! Mommas, here's a hard truth: if you…

LOS ANGELES, CA—Get a load of this idiot! Rookie Christian James Hamperton made the classic mistake of praying God would teach him patience while attending church this Sunday, and now his week is filled with the most irritating little…

MIDWEST CITY, OK—According to sources close to local woman Winona Sharp, the woman’s whole personality is made up entirely of Hobby Lobby signs with sassy sayings on them. From signs reading “All I Need Is a Whole Lot of Coffee and a Little…

Are you looking to turn up the heat this Halloween, but don't want to cause your brothers in Christ to stumble? Have we got the ticket for you—ten incredibly sexy Halloween costumes that will excite your beau without leading him into mortal…

Op-Ed: I Noticed You Didn’t Make It To Church During That Flash Flood Last Week Hey there, can I talk to you for a second? Is everything all right? Barb said she noticed you were absent from church last week, and I wanted to make sure…

Man Showing No Signs Of Repentance In His Life Still Pretty Sure He's One Of The Elect GRAND CEDAR, OR—Local man Henry Paulson is pretty sure he's one of the elect despite showing no signs of repentance, faith, love for the believers, love…

Calvinist Father Reads Son Heartwarming Bedtime Story 'Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God' PONTIAC, MI—Every kid loves a good bedtime story before going to sleep, and no one more than little Adoniram Luther Edwards III, whose father…

Due To Supply Shortages, Husbands May Need To Begin Shopping For Christmas Presents Prior To December 24 This Year U.S.—Supply shortages all across the country are spelling out potential disaster for husbands this year, as they will now…