Christian Living

Amazon’s New Predestination Prime Service Just Sends You Stuff You Were Going To Order Anyway SEATTLE, WA—Amazon has opened its new Predestination Prime for signups, a handy new subscription service that sends you the things you were…

CHAGRIN FALLS, OH—Local Christian Paul Hoskins announced Wednesday he will start a new diet that directly corresponds to his pattern of Bible reading: he plans to eat one meal per week. Sources confirm Hoskins will quickly scarf down a…

HARVARD, IL—With the crisp days of autumn approaching quickly, apple orchards are preparing themselves for the onslaught of families ready to fill their baskets with ripe fruit. Apple picking has become more than just a growing trend, and…

SILVER SPRING, MD—Local parents Bill and Cindy Kaufmann completed an annual tradition Friday when they posted a photo of their 28-year-old son Justin moving back into their basement. After finishing his summer job as a volunteer counselor…

WASHINGTON, DC—According to sources within the federal government, God has filed a petition demanding the United States remove the phrase "In God We Trust" from all of its currency. Sources confirm the petition lists several reasons…

Christian Artist Renounces Faith Now That Jesus Has Served His Purpose Of Providing Fame, Fortune AUSTRALIA—Christian singer-songwriter Marty Sampson renounced his faith the moment Jesus had served his purpose of providing him fame and…

PITTSBURGH, PA—This past weekend, a father demonstrated Solomonic wisdom in settling a dispute between his children. The bickering siblings were fighting over whose turn it was to play on the family's communal iPad. As the struggle reached…

U.S.—The nation's parents were seen all over the country shouting "Send them back!" as their children boarded school buses and got out of cars to go back to school again for the year. "Send them back! Send them back!" they called out, looks…

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Desiring God Ministries has announced a new line of Calvinist fortune cookies designed to let people who have been predestined to eat Chinese food know if they're elect or not. The cookies have all been…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—A specialty underwear shop targeting Mormons has opened in Salt Lake City's Temple Square. If the venture is successful, "Brigham's Secret" stores will become a reality in malls and shopping centers all over the country.…