Christian Living

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Desiring God Ministries has announced a new line of Calvinist fortune cookies designed to let people who have been predestined to eat Chinese food know if they're elect or not. The cookies have all been…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—A specialty underwear shop targeting Mormons has opened in Salt Lake City's Temple Square. If the venture is successful, "Brigham's Secret" stores will become a reality in malls and shopping centers all over the country.…

U.S.—In a move to help oppressed husbands who are forced to walk around the craft store in a daze for hours as they lose all sense of time and space, Hobby Lobby has unveiled its new husband daycares at all of its U.S. stores. At the…

Chick-Fil-A Debuts Weekly Saturday Evening Bulk Deliveries To Help You Survive Sunday U.S.—Chick-fil-A has introduced a subscription service that allows you to take bulk delivery of their delicious food every Saturday evening to help…

CHESTERFIELD, MO—In a casual conversation with a coworker Friday, local Christian man Bob Demetriou stated that he believes in absolute truth. "Yeah, I think it makes sense to believe in absolute truth," he said as he poured himself another…

U.S.—A new essential oil blend will help you stay really mad about everything. Dubbed "Outrage," the specialized blend contains authentic extract of coffee beans, sweat from Antifa protestors, liberal tears, and a hair plucked from the…

Local Christian Would Do Anything For Jesus Except Believe Things That Are Unpopular BROOKLYN, NY—"I would do anything for my faith," local Christian Ethan Werner told a BuzzFeed News religion reporter as they met in a Brooklyn coffee shop,…

NASHVILLE, TN—The Gideons International is an organization that has become known for trying to get the Bible into hotel rooms, schools, university campuses, and pretty much anywhere that Bibles are needed, which is, like, everywhere. But…

U.S.—A new study found that 9 out of 10 Baptists do not recommend doing the floss. Of the Baptists surveyed, 90% did not recommend doing the floss dance that is sweeping our nation's youth. "Some have suggested there are health benefits to…

Christians Demand Reparations From Joshua Harris For All The Hot Dates They Missed Out On U.S.—The nation's Christians have filed a lawsuit against author and ex-Christian Joshua Harris for making them miss out on so many hot dates in their…