Christian Living

BATTLE CREEK, MI—Kellogg's has long offered family size cereal boxes, but it's kicking things up a notch with the company's new "Homeschool Family Size." "You can feed like a dozen kids for three or four days with these bad boys," said a…

Disgraceful: This Man Just Held A Door Open For A Woman And She Didn't Even Turn Around And Make Out With Him HANCOCK, MI—Evergrace Community Church attendee Brandon Munson suffered an incredible slap in the face yesterday when he held a…

Nation's Progressives Issue Friendly Reminder That If You Don't Agree With Them On Everything They Will Destroy You U.S.—Progressive spokespeople issued a statement this morning offering a friendly reminder that if you don't agree with them…

TORONTO—Proclaiming the symbol to be confusing and not helpful at all, local worship leader Michael "Crowdsurf" Lohan discovered several hashtag symbols on the chord sheets he printed for worship this past Sunday. "Whoa, whoa, whoa---what's…

PHOENIX, AZ—While attending a Switchfoot concert last night, local "mega fan" Hal Wilson stubbornly refused to move, despite frontman Jon Foreman's constant pleas. Switchfoot has reportedly always been able to get the band's fans to move by…

Local Man Less And Less Sure Why He Agreed To Go Out And Do Something As Event Approaches LAKE CITY, FL—When invited to attend a concert with some friends last week, local man Brad Gensing was "down for whatever." "Sounds like a blast!" he…

KITCHEN COUNTER—Notoriously lazy piracy association The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything have announced their official support for Bernie Sanders' 2020 presidential run. The pirates were reportedly looking for a candidate who would let them…

Man Arrested While Attempting To Smuggle Chick-Fil-A Sandwich Into San Antonio Airport SAN ANTONIO, TX—A local man was apprehended today while trying to smuggle a delicious Chick-fil-A classic chicken sandwich into San Antonio International…

Woman Makes $200 A Month Selling Stuff To Her Friends, Spends $200 A Month Buying Stuff From Her Friends EFFINGHAM, IL—Local woman Karen Morales reported she was proud of herself for making close to $200 with her at-home makeup business…

New Evidence Suggests King David Actually Saw Bathsheba Wearing Leggings As Pants JERUSALEM—While conventional wisdom has held that Bathsheba was bathing nude when King David saw her from his window, new analysis of the text indicates she…