Christian Living

PHOENIX, AZ—Private Christian school Grand Canyon University has disinvited Jesus Christ from its campus in order to preserve the school's mission of unity after uncovering controversial comments made by the Jewish Messiah that might cause…

HELL—The hottest circle of hell, usually reserved for Nazis, mass murderers, and serial killers, is now reserved for people who share Minion memes on the internet, sources from the underworld confirmed Monday. The punitive measure is…

ATLANTA, GA—Tim Tebow made history this weekend by becoming the first former NFL quarterback in history to acquire six purity rings. While some quarterbacks have managed to acquire one or two purity rings, no one else has even come close to…

BALTIMORE, MD—A new study performed by researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed Monday that tomatoes can't dance nearly as well as cucumbers, which are known for their smooth dance moves, "like a lion chasing a mouse." "Look at…

ATLANTA, GA—In a press conference held Thursday, Chick-fil-A representatives promised to become the first fast-food chain in the nation to use 100% born-again chickens in their sandwiches, nuggets, strips, and other chicken food products.…

Amazing! This Christian Is Exactly Like His Unbelieving Friends Except He Says 'Heck' Instead Of 'Hell' AMAZING! According to sources close to local Christian man Christopher Mendez, the fact that he says "heck" instead of "hell" is still…

WERNER, TX—According to sources close to local woman Crissy Menger, the Christian mother and wife has more Hobby Lobby decorations hanging in her home than any given Hobby Lobby location. The woman reportedly has 572 different pieces of…

U.S.—In a political move designed to garner the support of Christian housewives everywhere, President Trump announced Monday that he has hired Chip and Joanna Gaines to install shiplap all along the southern border wall. The Gaines duo will…

U.S.—News media outlets around the country were reportedly astonished to discover a Christian school at which second lady Karen Pence is teaching holds their students and staff to Christian beliefs. Expert journalists went to great lengths…

DICKSON, OK—A local homeschooled child has graduated a full 5 months before being born, sources confirmed. The Johnson family was proud to announce that the youngster has achieved his high school diploma at least six years earlier than…