Christian Living

TULSA, OK—A "foul Arminian temptress" dating local Calvinist man Bernard Michaels convinced the Reformed believer to shave his beard, causing him to lose all his powers of theology, exegesis, and arguing on the internet. A group of Arminian…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As President Trump wrapped up an impromptu press briefing at the White House Thursday, evangelical Trump supporter Franklin Graham reportedly pushed his way through the crowd and launched himself toward Trump, attempting to…

Sad: This Girl Tried To Become A Proverbs 31 Woman, But Now She Doesn't Know What To Do With All This Flax Tragic! This young woman was trying really hard to become a Proverbs 31 woman, so she could settle down with a husband who would…

Ultra-Spiritual Christian Reminds Followers That God's Kingdom Never Has A Government Shutdown VENICE BEACH, CA—Local ultra-spiritual Christian Bryan Hanover reminded his followers Thursday that God's kingdom never has a government…

HEAVEN—A new report confirmed Monday that people who comment "first!" on articles shall be last in the Kingdom of Heaven. The heavenly statement issued from on high informed humanity than anyone who has ever posted, "First!" in a comment…

AUSTIN, TX—In an attempt to be more realistic and honest with himself with his Bible reading goals this year, local man Mike Pattson resolved to read Genesis and Exodus this year and then "peter out around Leviticus chapter 2." The believer…

Local Calvinist Resolves To Do Whatever The Sovereign Lord's Eternal Decree Has In Store For Him This Year PALM BEACH, FL—After many hours of reflection, self-examination, prayer, and beer, local Calvinist man Michael Konyenbelt resolved…

Nation's Fathers Engage In Time-Honored Ritual Of Telling Their Kids They Haven't Seen Them Since Last Year U.S.—In a beloved custom, every single father in the nation told their kids this morning that they haven't seen them since last…

U.S.—In a research paper presented Friday, several biblical scholars suggested that all the Hebrew psalms were actually set to the same four basic chords. "Every biblical psalm appears to have been set to the chord progression G-D-Em-C,…

Brought to you by:   U.S.—In a rare moment of interdenominational unity, the nation's churches announced a plan to continue ignoring mental health issues among congregants. Despite increased awareness of mental health issues in the nation…