Christian Living

GREENWICH, CT — Local Christian man Don Stanton has reportedly become so deep and spiritual, he's no longer edified by sermons that simply preach the Gospel."I'm way past that basic 'Jesus died for your sins' stuff," said Mr. Stanton.…

BIDDLEFORD, ME — The foundations of Christendom were rocked to their very core this week after local atheist Chaz Piddington noted that Christians eat shellfish and wear mixed fabrics. "You claim to be a Christian, and yet I noticed you're…

EDMOND, OK — Local man Samuel Higgins declined an invitation to join a men's accountability group today, not wanting to embarrass the other men with his complete and total righteousness."I just don't want to make people feel bad with my…

HOPKINSVILLE, KY — Local Christian Stewart Tepid was careful to include a disclaimer with his recommendation of the hit TV show Naked Murder Mountain, saying, "It's a really good show besides the nudity, homosexuality, violence, swearing…

PEARLY GATES — The late Steve Christiansen, a devout Christian who had filled his mortal days serving others and standing for truth and righteousness, was about to walk through the gates to heaven when an ever-vigilant St. Peter heard him…

Brought to you by: Compassion InternationalWe know we are to give back to God a portion of what He has given us — but does only money count as tithing? Here are eight activities The Babylon Bee has found that actually count toward your…

SARASOTA, FL — Local man Brad Snyder has long maintained that yoga pants are too revealing and thus sinful, but today his wife tried a pair on and, well, something changed inside Mr. Snyder."AWOOOOOGA!!" exclaimed Mr. Snyder, watching his…

WORLD — In a welcome change for millions of modern Christians, the former cardinal sin of gluttony has been demoted to only "kind of a sin.""It's about time," said local Christian John Ashcroft, as he crammed an entire pizza into his…

LOUISVILLE, KY — Ardent Calvinist Jeremy Dunn has reportedly been predestined from the foundation of the world to spend countless hours online arguing about Calvinism."Another Arminian OWNED," posted Mr. Dunn. "It's amazing to know my…

WICHITA, KS — Devout local Christian Josh McKay has decided he can no longer in good conscience get wasted drinking Bud Light, and has therefore switched to scotch."I had to take a stand," said Mr. McKay, stumbling into the wall. "What…