Christian Living

EAGAN, MN—In a tragic end to his long-running role as head of the Johnson home, family patriarch Jared, 39, was forced to give up his biblical headship after failing to open a stuck peanut butter jar at the request of his wife Friday. The…

HOUSTON, TX—Inspired by a recent inspirational Christian quote he saw on Instagram, local paramedic William Yancey announced Thursday that he will only be helping victims who can first help themselves. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,…

NASHVILLE, TN—In a groundbreaking new study, LifeWay Research confirmed Tuesday that there is a “strong connection” between being sanctified to be more and more like Jesus and playing popular battle royale video game Fortnite for at least…

PALMETTO, FL—If you’re looking for an exciting multi-level-marketing business to join in order to make a little extra cash and show your friends what an awesome boss babe you are, look no further. While many MLM businesses struggle to come…

U.S.—The results of an extensive Gallup poll were released Friday afternoon confirming that if President Donald Trump were discovered to be the Antichrist described in the Bible, his support among American evangelicals would not be…

SARASOTA, FL—After suffering under Pipeline Church’s “redonkulously slow” 3 Mbps internet connection for years, local teen Xander Medford finally got an appointment with Pastor John Wylie, at which the youth passionately argued that…

SEATTLE, WA—In a move to help Christians develop the fruits of the Spirit, specifically patience, Amazon announced Wednesday a new “Agonizingly Slow Shipping” option. The orders will sit idle in Amazon’s system for six to eight weeks…

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Local San Francsico resident Matthew Pearson was arrested Wednesday morning for concealed carrying a Bible without the proper state permits, sources at the San Francisco Police Department confirmed. California law…

ENCINITAS, CA—A recent youth “Spring Kick-Off” pool party at pastor Rod’s house was revealed to be a covert attempt to inflate the church’s baptism numbers, a source close to Growth Church revealed Tuesday. The event was pitched as a fun…

NEW MEXICO—Deep in the heart of the American Southwest, final preparations are being made for a highly anticipated annual tradition: The Christian Denominational Hunger Games, an event intended to ease tensions between various Christian…