Christian Living

NEW YORK, NY—Horrifying reports out of New York City indicated that oppressive Christians have begun an all-out assault on secular New York citizens, by attacking them with delicious Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches. The opening of several…

PAPUA NEW GUINEA—Reformed missionary of 12 years Jon Garth and his family were surprised to learn Friday that Calvinists don’t evangelize, after reading on Twitter over their satellite connection that their theology discourages sharing the…

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—According to unconfirmed reports from sources close to local believer Matthew Anderson, the man watched an entire movie with his family on Netflix Wednesday evening without drawing a single connection between the events…

NELSON, TX—Stating the occurrence made the prayer circle even more tense and awkward than normal, multiple sources at a Tuesday church prayer circle reported that the guy next to you had profusely sweating hands, which you would be forced…

NEW YORK, NY— According to sources at the ABC television network, a new spinoff of popular dating show “The Bachelor” will consist of 20 seasons following a Christian man named Mark fruitlessly attempting to find a mate in the singles’…

ISRAEL—Saying the discovery could revolutionize scholarship on the life of Christ and change the way evangelicals run their ministry to men, a team of biblical researchers, archaeologists, and scholars confirmed Thursday that Jesus…

WORLD—Multiple extremely reliable sources reported on Good Friday that “it is finished,” with your immeasurably great sin debt having been paid in full on the cross by the Son of God himself, Jesus Christ. The unthinkable sacrifice to…

U.S.—A new study performed by the Pew Research Center found that 56% of those who become Christians are saved as a direct result of clever slogans on Christian T-shirts that parody popular brand names. “When unbelievers behold the glory of…

ISRAEL—New documents released by the Society of Biblical Scholars confirm that the Resurrection of Christ was merely a complex April Fool’s Day joke that got the disciples who pulled the prank off tortured or martyred or both. Peter,…

DERRY TOWNSHIP, PA—In a new attempt to court the Christian market, the Hershey Company unveiled Monday its brand-new “Hershey’s Sidehugs™️,” a Kiss™️-like chocolate that promises to be more pure and only slightly less fulfilling. “Almost…