Christian Living

WORLD — In a welcome change for millions of modern Christians, the former cardinal sin of gluttony has been demoted to only "kind of a sin.""It's about time," said local Christian John Ashcroft, as he crammed an entire pizza into his…

LOUISVILLE, KY — Ardent Calvinist Jeremy Dunn has reportedly been predestined from the foundation of the world to spend countless hours online arguing about Calvinism."Another Arminian OWNED," posted Mr. Dunn. "It's amazing to know my…

WICHITA, KS — Devout local Christian Josh McKay has decided he can no longer in good conscience get wasted drinking Bud Light, and has therefore switched to scotch."I had to take a stand," said Mr. McKay, stumbling into the wall. "What…

CANAAN — In a stunning display while playing the board game Monopoly, Esau exchanged the highly coveted properties of Boardwalk and Park Place for a single bowl of Campbell's Soup.Witnesses report that the incident occurred during the…

NEW YORK, NY — Tim Keller has finished the race set before him.After seventy-two years, Keller's faith became sight on May 19, 2023. To the last, Keller professed hope solely in the saving work of Jesus Christ.For decades, Tim Keller…

DAYTON, OH — A concerned husband assured his wife on Wednesday he was only reading Song of Solomon to study profound theological doctrine, not to check out the...er... you know..."interesting" bits.Mark Miller, 45, claims he was reading…

HEAVEN — According to heavenly sources, Dave Ramsey will now be stationed outside of the pearly gates to judge people based on how well they stuck to their budget."Let me get this straight - you took out a loan for a new car?" asked Mr.…

ISRAEL — Tourists have flocked to the Holy Land to behold the newly-unearthed projector Paul used to play Braveheart clips during sermons."It is so inspiring to see the actual projector used by the church fathers to watch Mel Gibson's…

DADEVILLE, AL — A local Baptist church was forced to cancel its normal observation of the Lord's Supper last week after it was discovered that the grape juice used for communion had fermented."There's just no way we could have communion…

The Lenten season is upon us! Across America, people are giving things up for the next 40 days in preparation for Easter. Check out what the most common choice was for every state:Alabama - Using the deep fryer for breakfastAlaska - Eskimo…