Christian Living

JACKSONVILLE, FL — In a stunning display of spiritual fortitude, Pastor Mark Thompson of the First Baptist Church preached 13 minutes past his allotted time during Sunday's service, declaring that "this has gotta be the start of a…

ASBURY, KY — A revival seems to have broken out at an Asbury University chapel service, which just so happened to take place the night before a massive group project was due in English 362. The scheduled hour-long chapel service began as…

TUSTIN, CA — A local man wallowed in frustration today while wrestling with the idea that the Almighty God, Creator of the universe, with infinitely more wisdom than any human, could possibly have a different opinion than he has."I'm right…

GREENVILLE, SC — After years of warning that the witchcraft in Harry Potter is an existential danger to the youth, fundamentalist Christians are delighted to hear that liberals are now warning that the Harry Potter books represent an…

THE ARK — After being sealed in for what felt like ages, Noah's wife Naamah has started to wonder whatever happened to all the dinosaurs they let on the ark."Hey Noah, honey, have you seen any of the dinosaurs recently?" asked Naamah as she…

BARTLESVILLE, OK — Local sinners Don and Cecily Whitewash were "shaken to the core" Friday after coming to the realization that their children were growing up to be just like them: sinners."We're basically good people," said Mr. Whitewash,…

SAN ANTONIO, TX — Christian radio station K-LOVE has parted ways with the Apostle Paul over his continued struggles to maintain the station's positive and encouraging on-air vibe."We sincerely appreciate everything the Apostle Paul brought…

AKRON, OH — Ever since changing over to the Jesus Storybook Bible, local man Dan Smith has been totally dominating his Bible-In-A-Year plan."Three chapters of Genesis? No problem!" exclaimed Mr. Smith. "Watch me knock this out in thirty…

ANGLETON, TX — Local "Coco Loco" waiter Jesús Fernandez reportedly fed five thousand hungry people today with a single order of bottomless chips and salsa."The chips, they just kept coming," said Dale Alexander, one of the five thousand.…

MINNETONKA, MN — Local boy Linus Van Pelt has been permanently banned from the local community theater, after an episode in which he commandeered a play rehearsal and began reciting from the Bible."It's a classic case that shows the dangers…