Christmas

MINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that building a shitty gingerbread house was just making his depression worse. “Nothing will stick—the…

Ho, Ho, Ho, I'm Regrowing My Foreskin! - The Onion [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKmayFkrJTQ?feature=oembed&w=500&h=281] Share Published:…

It is fortunate that Elon Musk is wealthy; he can afford the more than three reams of paper it took to print the behemoth 1,547-page spending bill that is supposed to keep the government operating through March. “Ever seen a bigger piece of…

TORONTO – The Hallmark Channel announced a new movie airing this month that has raised some eyebrows. As part of its holiday programming and in an effort to court more viewers, the Hallmark Channel will air “I Fucked My Christmas Tree”,…

WATERLOO, ON ― With the GST break coming into effect, petty, irate, and aptly-named 46-year-old woman Karen Thorpe recently castigated a teenaged cashier for blaspheming against the Lord by using the inclusive term ‘tax holiday.’ “This is a…

Children are experts at practicing anticipation. “When I’m big,” they tell us before launching into elaborate and unrealistic dreams for the future. “How many days ’til I’m 6?” they ask curiously, the day after they’ve turned 5. “How many…

Christmas is the best time of year and there’s no convincing me otherwise, but I swear I’m not coming to your Secret Santa or White Elephant gift exchange. Unless … In theory, a gift exchange with mixed company, like marital family or…

Christmas, in the eyes of a child, is a grand affair. Children get to eat seemingly unlimited sweets, watch movies, and — most importantly to many of them — open presents. It’s easy to feel pressure to provide oodles of pretty packages with…

Christmas and the holiday season always feel far enough away until, suddenly, it’s the week after Thanksgiving, and you have to find time during the few weekends in December to make it to the mall — only to rush through overcrowded,…

We already knew Google search results were skewed to bury conservative speech, but the censorship has come for decent gift ideas too. I tried searching for Christmas gifts on Google Shopping the other day, and the results included a $56…