Christmas

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POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Staying up late to make sure he could pleasure himself without anyone noticing, local man Dylan Utley was reportedly waiting until his wife and kids were asleep Sunday to go and masturbate under the Christmas tree.…

CHICAGO—Reminding the Walmart cashier that the Yuletide season comes but once a year, sources confirmed Sunday that a real-life Ebenezer Scrooge was working on Christmas Eve. “What a heartless miser she must be to sit behind that counter…

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A computer science professor specializing in machine-learning-aided authorship attribution investigated the long-disputed 1823 poem “The Night Before Christmas” in an effort to determine whether it was written by a Troy, NY landowner and…

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