Church

OXFORD — A fascinating new study has yielded astounding results, as data indicates preaching the Gospel with a Scottish accent leads to 300% more people being saved. If the findings are correct, it may decisively prove that the Scottish…

JERUSALEM — Citing newly uncovered writings from Greece, Rome, and Jerusalem, biblical scholars are now saying the shockingly rapid growth of the early church can be attributed to the fact that Christians were allowed to eat bacon. "Save…

TOPEKA, KS — Nursery workers at First Baptist Church of Topeka have begun setting out a tip jar whenever Aiden's parents come to pick him up."Let the baby out of the headlock, Aiden! Your parents are here," said nursery coordinator Cassie…

Church attendance is declining in America, and it spells disastrous implications for a nation that is already spiritually on edge. According to new data from Gallup, U.S. church attendance remains below pre-lockdown levels. Just 31 percent…

DES MOINES, IA — A sermon by local youth pastor Rob Lambert entitled "Imploding The Submersible of Sin In Your life" was panned by congregants for being way, way too soon."That is just awful. Awful, man," said elder Mack Bridges. "It's not…

NEW YORK, NY — In a display of liturgical fashion innovation, the Anglican Church has officially unveiled tuck-friendly vestments to accommodate priests who dress up as priestesses."It's time our church move from seeker-friendly to…

MEMPHIS, TN — Local mom Chloe Levy joined the ranks of saints gone before, saving a sermon from disaster by pulling out an emergency supply of Cheerios."I tell you what - there was great rejoicing in Heaven when she pulled those Cheerios…

A conservative Catholic coalition is taking aim at the Los Angeles Dodgers for promoting an LGBT anti-Christian hate group at the baseball team’s “Pride Night” on Friday. CatholicVote, a Wisconsin-based non-profit, launched a seven-figure…

NEW ORLEANS, LA — Church leaders with the Southern Baptist Convention are debating a measure to enshrine a ban on appointing female pastors, with many frustrated attendees now wishing God had written some sort of book telling them whether…

Well, they finally did it. The powers that be actually indicted Donald Trump. After the regime weaponized a bogus dossier, spied on his campaign, hamstrung his policy, impeached him, impeached him again, defamed him as a racist Nazi, made…