Church

ATLANTA, GA — After collecting each person's offering this morning, ushers at Second Baptist Church proceeded to flip around an iPad to ask congregants if they would also like to include a tip."If you could just answer the questions on the…

It's one of the hardest parts of running a church: trying to find a qualified youth pastor. Who wants the job, anyway, when it probably doesn't pay and doesn't even count as being a real pastor? But someone's gotta watch the unruly teens…

TULSA, OK — Local child Stephen Reese became deeply worried during church this morning after hearing there is a bomb located somewhere in Gilead."Shouldn't we do something?" worried Stephen, anxiously looking around the congregation. "Why…

SANTEE, CA — According to church elders, member Dylan Behrens absolutely nailed the pitch pipe solo while performing song leader duties Sunday. The veteran song leader approached the pulpit with his Sacred Selections hymn book in hand and…

GENEVA — The long-awaited Center For Celebrating The Protestant Heritage Of Artistic Excellence opened to the public in John Calvin's home city of Geneva, Switzerland last week, after nearly 30 years of constructing the massive building and…

CARROLLTON, TX — A local church announced the launch of a new campaign this week to attain a 5-star rating on Yelp by installing often-requested USB-C charging ports in each pew."We had plateaued at 4.7 stars for months, but these charging…

LAKE CHARLES, LA — During a recent church service, local man Mick Cowlick found himself in an awkward position when he kept bowing his head, then peeking up to see if the Pastor was praying or preaching."Last week, I fell for the oldest…

SPRING HILL, TN — Experts have uncovered a new phenomenon in the revivalism industry: a "revival" that occurs every Sunday where God's people gather to worship and receive the means of grace."Believers have long drawn their spiritual…

BRONX, NY — A Bible class for kindergarteners was interrupted Sunday when Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez burst through the door and informed the five-year-olds in attendance that Jesus was a fascist. The children reportedly left the classroom…

So there you are, trying to worship peacefully, and then out of nowhere a priest tackles you to the ground and arrests you for radical traditionalism because you spoke in Latin. Now you're in Guantanamo Bay being waterboarded about where…