Church

So you finally up and bought that expensive bass guitar, but you're still not sure if you've got what it takes to be a real-life church bassist. Well, don't you fret, and don't you fear — we at the Babylon Bee have donned fake beards and…

All right, fam — things be ‘bout to get real now, for real for real. Jesus said in the Bible somewhere that we need to share the good news with all nations, and you bet he was talking about literally everyone, no cap. Now I know that we've…

As Donald Trump and Kamala Harris race for the presidency, their boosters are insisting the stakes couldn’t be higher for the future of our nation. But Americans have already given up on the future and are demonstrating this despair in the…

U.S. — Hey you! Yes you, with the large family and amazing church attendance. This is your reminder that Sunday is coming, and if you don't start getting yourselves ready right now for church you're definitely going to be late.You think you…

BEND, OR — According to sources, the Crawford family enjoyed a fine morning of Sunday worship and Bible teaching at church, only to suddenly forget everything as soon as they hit the parking lot."I just loved when the pastor said — you know…

TEMPLE, TX — The salvation status of local man Jeremy Dawkins became unclear this morning after a poorly timed stretch put Dawkins' hand firmly in the air when the pastor issued the altar call."I think I see a hand over there!" said Pastor…

BETHLEHEM, NC — Pizza Hut broke ground Thursday on a new location they expect to become a protestant church within a few short years.The site, conveniently located in a central area of town, would temporarily provide delicious pizza and…

MENOMONIE, WI — In a tragic turn of events, former youth pastor Chad Bradson was forced to resign in disgrace after losing a Mountain Dew chugging contest to teenager at a youth group movie night last week.According to members of the youth…

Are church funds running low? Not to worry! There's always money in the tithing basket if you work hard enough! Babylon Bee

LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — A local church faced a challenging task in filling an open position on the staff after its youth pastor announced his retirement from ministry to become a professional foosball player.Jeremy Wyatt held a press conference…