Clothing

REYNOLDSBURG, OH—In what the lingerie retailer described as a well-meaning but ultimately misguided attempt to give its customers what they wanted, Victoria’s Secret apologized Thursday for an ill-advised body positivity campaign that…

A pair of white, heavy-duty miner’s pants pulled from a 1857 shipwreck, which auction officials described as the oldest known pair of jeans in the world, have sold at auction for $114,000. What do you think?“I hope they tried them on…

TORONTO – Controversy arose this week at a downtown location of the popular retailer Urban Outfitters, as a “25% Off Pants” sale was revealed to be a rack of regularly priced capri pants. Shoppers reportedly discovered they had been misled…

MONTREAL – A local woman has begun shopping for brand new clothes, even though nothing fucking matters anymore. “I’m sick of everything I own”, says Layla Veenstra, who just finished a documentary on the threat of nuclear winter. “I…

COLUMBUS, OH—Launching the next phase in an ongoing overhaul of its troubled brand, Victoria’s Secret unveiled a new advertising campaign Monday that features its apparel worn by real women caught on fitting room security cameras. “We want…

CUDDEBACKVILLE, NY—Raising speculation as to whether the team was age-eligible for the game, incredulous little league sources confirmed Friday that Westchester Tigers players had their last names on the back of their jerseys. “These kids…

Bowmanville, ON — After dropping her freshly-washed undies on the laundromat floor yesterday afternoon, local woman Beth Jonks has determined that the pair is still clean enough to wear… probably. “How dirty could the floor be…