conceptions of god

THE HEAVENS—Sipping on a Diet Coke as He described the mix of alcohol and pills He had lived off of for years, a newly sober God admitted Tuesday that He had no recollection of creating the universe. “Everyone tells Me I made light and…

THE HEAVENS—Groaning as He surveyed the massive piles of souls, a stressed-out God confirmed Tuesday that He had not realized He was supposed to reincarnate all those dead people. “Oh, shit, that was my job?” said the Lord God Almighty, who…

THE HEAVENS—In a statement addressed to individuals at risk of having their access to life on earth permanently revoked, God, the Almighty Creator, confirmed Monday that He would soon delete millions of humans due to inactivity. “To my dear…

THE HEAVENS—Emphasizing His Eternal Kingdom’s infinite supply of prime real estate “just waiting to be developed,” the Lord God Almighty announced plans Monday to bulldoze heaven and build luxury condominiums. “Soon we will begin demolition…