condiments

CONCORD, CA—Assuring the single 37-year-old that she had already vetted the prospective suitor, local mom Tina Salerno announced Wednesday that she would like to set her daughter Anna Salerno up with the nice man from the salad dressing…

IRVINE, CA—After enduring the long wait for a chance to indulge in culinary pleasure, local woman Carissa Walder reportedly used her diet cheat day this week on an entire bag of croutons. “I’ll have just one, and then I’ll put the bag…

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—In an effort to make the historically white sandwich spread more inclusive, Hellmann’s introduced a new line of mayonnaises Wednesday that has been designed to match every skin tone. “If you eat a big sloppy sandwich…

SEATTLE—In a study that warns frequent snackers carry a higher risk of developing the condition, new research published Monday by orthopedists at the University of Washington revealed that one in every 20 Americans will develop carpal…

Dominican sailor Elvis Francois was rescued by the Colombian navy after he says his sailboat was swept off to sea while making repairs, surviving the 24-day ordeal by eating only a bottle of ketchup and some seasonings. What do you…