condom

FINDLAY, OH—Expressing frustration with the pressures of working in an underfunded public high school, local teacher Jason Corgenne told reporters Monday that he was forced to pay out of pocket just so his students could have access to the…

Birth control is used by over half of women in the U.S., yet there are many misconceptions surrounding it. The Onion looks at common myths and facts of birth control. Read more... The Onion

Start SlideshowRather than getting on a treadmill or going for a run, one way to get a good workout in is to take off your clothes and rub your genitals against someone else’s naked body. The following are the best ways to burn calories…

The rate of infectious cases of syphilis has risen by 9%, according to a federal government report, with cases surpassing 207,000, the highest they’ve been in 74 years. What do you think?“Fine, I’ll wear a condom, but does it have to be on…

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KANSAS CITY, MO—Noting that despite being old and tattered, the contraceptive was still his good luck charm, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes admitted to reporters Thursday that he wore the same condom every time he had sex.…

MILWAUKEE—Analyzing the behavior on display during Wednesday night’s Republican presidential debate, a body language expert explained that the eight candidates who participated in the event had all just finished having sex with each other…

KNOXVILLE, TN—Using his vomit to carefully connect the dots, local hungover man Dennis Moen reportedly pieced together his previous night on Thursday by what he was throwing up. “Okay, so I must have stopped at a hot dog stand at some…

BRISTOL, CT—Remarking how he looked exactly like her late husband when they were in high school, local mother Janet Greene told her son Friday that his dad would be “so proud of him” as she adjusted his condom before prom. “Son, I know it’s…

PLAINS, GA—Remarking that his decision to undergo the initial procedure had perhaps been made in haste, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, announced Tuesday that he had gotten his recent vasectomy reversed. “I regret closing that door as…