cosmetics

NEW YORK—In response to numerous complaints filed with the USDA, Maybelline publicly denied lab-testing their mascara products on Italian widows Friday, calling the accusation a “harmful, baseless rumor.” “Contrary to the abhorrent rumors…

PHILADELPHIA—In a new study published Friday in the latest issue of the International Journal Of Sexual Health, researchers found that among the human population, sexual satisfaction ranked highest among nerds covered in lipstick marks with…

CHICAGO—Remarking on her unusually pale skin and tired eyes, marketing department head Larry Kilmartin asked a female employee at Claremont Industries Thursday if she’d like to go home and put on some makeup. “You’re looking a bit rough,…

GALLATIN, TN—Citing the adage “less is more,” mortuary cosmetologist Rhonda Greenfield opted Wednesday to give her client at Bradford Funeral Home a more natural decomposing look for his upcoming open-casket viewing. “Corpses can look so…