COVID

TORONTO – As provinces around the country abandon vaccine and mask mandates, a shocking new report has concluded that just because we’d all like the pandemic to be over, doesn’t actually make it so. “Just like every Premier we initially…

VICTORIA, BC – Dogs across the nation report that they know you’re having a rough time lately and they’re ready to give you whatever the heck you need, okay? “Normally, my owner wakes me up with words like ‘walk’ and ‘breakfast’,” said…

Mississauga, ON – This week marks a major milestone in local woman Caitlyn Donahue’s life, as she celebrates two years of the COVID-19 pandemic – A.K.A. the longest relationship of her life. “I was really starting to worry that something…

TORONTO – In the wake of the province’s successful ‘if we don’t test for COVID, we won’t have high rates of COVID’ strategy, Education officials have announced that every student in the province got straight As after they stopped giving…

OTTAWA – As Freedom Convoy protestors returned to Ottawa this weekend without their trucks, BBQs and hot tubs, many expressed their disappointment at having to just do a “regular protest” that didn’t allow them to harass and annoy local…

OTTAWA – Health Canada has released the results of a national survey over the past week which confirms expert suspicions that every person in the country is confident they’ve already caught COVID by now. “All our respondents had a high…

RED DEER – Premier Jason Kenney has said he intends to pass legislation that will remove the ability of municipalities to enforce their own mask mandates, thereby forcing freedom onto millions of Albertans. “It’s time for Alberta to free…

ONTARIO – Doug Ford’s government has finally brought to an end the province’s vaccine mandates for restaurants, allowing everyone to once again enjoy dining at the province’s many wonderful restaurants, as long as they aren’t…

Etobicoke, ON – As capacity limits and other public health limits are lifted throughout Ontario, the owners of Geralds Koffee Korner are no longer able to blame lockdowns for their complete lack of customers and revenue. “The pandemic…

YOUR TOWN ― After featuring dozens of stories about those who moved to their cottage, started a lucrative TikTok channel, or otherwise benefited from a deadly disease, your local newspaper is dealing with a shortage of upper middle-class…