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WASHINGTON—With sweat beading on his forehead as he pressed his tongue to his lips in concentration, President Joe Biden reportedly shot himself in the foot Wednesday in hopes of getting discharged from the presidency. “All right, Joe, it’s…

WASHINGTON—Clutching his briefcase and keeping his eyes averted as he approached, President Joe Biden rushed past an intimidating circle of senators smoking weed on the Capitol steps, sources confirmed Friday. “Excuse me, folks, just trying…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to educate the opposition party on the true value of civic engagement, congressional Democrats staged an elaborate 4th of July pageant Friday in an effort to teach their Republican colleagues the importance of…

WASHINGTON—Shaking his head and sighing while poking around various rotting, dilapidated sections of the 3.8-million-square-mile country, local contractor Randy Alonzo looked President Joe Biden in the eye Friday and told him that it would …

President Biden announced several executive actions to tackle gun violence that include regulations on “ghost guns” and other effective but limited measures, while acknowledging the difficulties in passing any gun legislation through…

WASHINGTON—Blastingthe critics of surging migrant detentions, President Joe Biden claimed Monday that it was unfair to attack his administration over borders that former President James K. Polk was responsible for creating. “It’s absurd,…

WASHINGTON—Instilling hope that the end of the pandemic was in sight, President Joe Biden announced Thursday that Americans could expect to do what they did at Christmas by July 4. “If we do this together, there’s a good chance you’ll be…

WASHINGTON—Acting in his unofficial role as “consoler-in-chief,” President Joe Biden took some time Friday to comfort the families of those lost in yesterday’s airstrike with an eloquent speech on the challenges of living with heartbreaking…

President Biden on Tuesday announced he will sign an executive order calling for a sweeping review of American supply chain infrastructure amid what many say is a growing crisis. The Onion looks at the goals of the Biden administration…