Dog

VANCOUVER — The look on the face of Tony, a young bulldog tied to a parking meter outside Denman Liquor, has set the Guinness World Record for sheer, profound, heart-wrenching sadness. “I don’t understand it,” said passerby Susan Armstrong,…

HAMILTON, ON – According to a new study from McMaster University, half of all home exercise is begging the family dog to leave you alone while you still have the will to move. One participant, Andrew McPatrick, confirms the…

LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate the Roche family’s 8 year old labradoodle Trevor recently, stopped walking around with a blanket on his head, forcing the family to actually learn about the intimate details of each others’ lives. “Trevor…

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TORONTO – Local man, Andrew Tan, has spent a lot of time lately thinking how great it would be to be a rich person’s dog instead of a human male forced to make his life fulfilling. “I’ve been procrastinating so much at work, mostly thinking…

LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate that the Miller family’s board game night has been interrupted by their English bulldog Snoodles, who has a glaringly obvious erection no one wants to acknowledge. “I guess I’ll buy Baltic…

Hamilton, ON – Jane Rogers and Eric Salts recently discovered that adopting a six-year-old rescue dog was not enough to put off the ending of their four-year relationship. The couple, who are currently attempting to move out of their shared…

REGINA – Despite claims that physical mail has been declining and gone to the wayside the past two decades, a local Canada Post-Punk rebukes the notion, and states that mail’s not dead. “Listen, sure, we had our heyday and we don’t deny…