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donald trump

Tireless Civil Rights Crusaders Not So Smug Now

STEWARTSTOWN, PA—With Donald Trump decisively winning a second term as president, local sources reported this week that those tireless civil rights crusaders weren’t so smug now, were they? “This ought to shut up those self-satisfied…

America Defeats America

WASHINGTON—In a historic outcome that promised to halt the rising scourge of the United States in its tracks, America has defeated America at the ballot box, sources confirmed Wednesday. “After 248 years of tense and often divisive…

Trump Calls Harris To Congratulate Himself On Winning

PALM BEACH, FL—In a five-minute phone call that both campaigns described as largely cordial, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly called Vice President Kamala Harris Wednesday morning to congratulate himself on winning. “Madame Vice…

Trump Turns Wisconsin Red Again

Donald Trump has knocked down the “blue wall” Tuesday and turned Wisconsin red again. The former president won the battleground Badger State’s 10 electoral votes, with Fox News and Decision Desk HQ projecting Trump the winner of the…

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