Doug Ford

TORONTO – Following a massive increase in COVID cases in Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has decided that the best way to defeat this unprecedented threat to human life is with an equally unprecedented threat to human rights in the form of a…

TORONTO — The Federal Government offered to deploy the Canadian Red Cross today in order to provide Ontario with support for its vaccination clinics and healthcare system in the midst of a debilitating third wave of the pandemic. Premier…

TORONTO – At a press conference this morning Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province would be banning all non-essential jacking off to combat the rise of COVID-19. “Listen, folks. We all love rubbing one out, but right now we…

TORONTO – The province of Ontario clarified that any of the COVID-19 projections made by provincial doctors, scientists, and epidemiologists were for politicians to make bets on if they came true. Solicitor General Sylvia Jones explained…

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is expected to announce a province-wide stay-at-home order today, which will require everyone to remain at home unless they’re sick but cannot find anyone willing to cover their shift that day. “This…

TORONTO – Faced with questions as to why Ontario is not vaccinating more people, Premier Doug Ford insisted that hundreds of thousands of eligible residents have, for some reason, not signed up to receive the shots he constantly claims his…

TORONTO – With a video of packed crowds at Toronto’s Yorkdale Mall going viral, just 3 days after Doug Ford announced a province-wide shutdown, today the Premier clarified that the high-end mall remains open specifically for emergency…

QUEEN’S PARK – While announcing this week’s province-wide shutdown, Ontario Premier Doug Ford added that he is positive his administration is close to solving the current health crisis, citing the age-old adage of “3rd waves the charm.” “As…

TORONTO — As Ontario enters its third official lockdown of the pandemic, many are calling the new lockdown measures confusing, ineffectual, and almost no different than what they were before. Premier Doug Ford called a press conference…

Springfield, MA — It was all hands on deck at dictionary-maker Merriam Webster’s head office as employees worked to create a new definition of “shutdown” following Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s announcement this afternoon. “Because of the…