Doug Ford

TORONTO – Marcella Ford, niece of Ontario Premier Doug Ford, has announced that her upcoming Sweet 16 Birthday Party will have the theme of Urban Development Opportunities. “A lot of my friends were going with traditional themes like the…

OTTAWA – The highly-anticipated Emergencies Act Inquiry report by Commissioner Paul Rouleau finds that the Trudeau Government’s invocation of the act did indeed meet the legislation’s high “asshole threshold”. “Lawful protest descended into…

TORONTO – In an effort to reduce wait times for surgeries in the province of Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has announced that as many as half of all surgeries will now be handled by his good buddy Steve. “I don’t want anyone to say that…

Great news everyone! Just like other friendly media sites who exist to remind you of pop culture moments you vaguely enjoyed while selling you a mattress in a box, we’ve gone ahead and fired all our writers! From now on every single piece…

PICKERING, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has passed legislation that will help protect precious low-density housing, winding streets, and majestic parking lots from the encroachment of the Green Belt. “Today, we are putting a stop to the…

QUEEN’S PARK – As Premier Doug Ford announces that he will expand surgeries available at for-profit clinics, insiders report he is still deciding which megacorporation to eventually sell Ontario’s entire healthcare system to. “Folks, I…

WINNIPEG – A recent meeting of Canada’s Premiers has seen the provincial leaders urgently request that Prime Minister Trudeau provide increased healthcare funding, to be spent on none of your fucking business, that’s what. Following the…

TORONTO – Davenport MPP Marit Stiles has been named leader of the Ontario NDP after literally every other member of the party jumped backward, touched their noses, and yelled “Not it!” at the same time. Stiles, being the only MPP actually…

TORONTO – The Ontario Minister responsible for providing secret information to Real Estate Developers about the government’s plans to allow development on the Greenbelt denied allegations that he provided secret information to Real Estate…

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford announced he is extending his government’s Black Friday Greenbelt Land Sale, allowing real estate moguls and elite donors to purchase only-recently developable land at bargain prices. “That’s right folks,”…