Doug Ford

OTTAWA – Ontario’s Ministry of Health outlined back-to-school Covid-19 policies for teachers, students, and parents on Monday, explaining that moving forward, parents will only be notified about potential Covid-19 exposures if their child’s…

ETOBICOKE – After being forced to live at his cottage in Muskoka because access to his house is blocked, Doug Ford asked his daughter, Krista Haynes, if she and her anti-vaxx friends could please get out of the driveway. “My friends,” said…

QUEEN’S PARK – Reports indicate that dire circumstances throughout Doug Ford’s Ontario are actually due to it being a fantastical alternate reality, created by a Christmas angel in order to teach a desperate local man about the worth of his…

GUELPH, ON – While reportedly aware that he has only 7 shopping days until Christmas, local man Thomas Yeates is reportedly confident that a full province-wide Omicron lockdown will rescue him from any gift-giving obligations. “Come on…

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode. “When I first heard about Omicron I figured it was just a passing fad like…

TORONTO – Walking back his comments from several months ago that young Ontarians are responsible for rising COVID case counts, Premier Doug Ford clarified that it’s not all young people in the province, but just his anti-vaxx daughter…

TORONTO – With the Ontario Government unveiling a plan to conduct symptomatic COVID-19 tests inside Shoppers Drug Mart stores, the pharmacy giant has announced that every shopper who contracts COVID will get 500 free Optimum points. While…

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is facing blame for the recent rise in COVID-19 case numbers, despite his valiant effort telling the new cases to “tone it down a bit, if you don’t mind.” “When we decided to lift capacity limits, I said…

EDMONTON – Despite having a recent referendum on whether equalization payments should be removed from the constitution, the government of Alberta has decided that a vote will not be necessary to accept $3.8 billion of additional child care…

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that, in addition to clogging up every news broadcast, sporting event and network drama with commercials attacking Steven Del Duca and Andrea Horwath, the Ontario PCs will begin running commercials…