driving

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SACRAMENTO, CA—Pulling over a motorist suspected of intoxication, a police officer conducting a field sobriety test Monday reportedly asked the driver whether or not calling his ex sounded like a good idea. “Excuse me, sir, do you think you…

Let’s talk about something that really matters in this country: people who don’t know how to walk. Not the disabled and legless. I mean the functional bipeds who, either by lack of spatial awareness or simple sheer stupidity, fail to…

About a mile from where I sit typing this ensconced in my comfortable suburban existence is a strip mall. This place serves a number of my family’s basic needs, and I find myself going there quite a bit — there’s a grocery store, a couple…

BARRIE – In the wake of a population boom, the Province of Ontario is proud to announce that the middle finger has been tapped as the “Official Bird” of their roadways. “For years, you could make it all the way from the 404 to the DVP…

TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every single time. “It’s a 50-50 chance of choosing the…

TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist. The biker, who was safely riding on the right side of the road, was able to get on with his…

VANCOUVER — As the travel season approaches, record-breaking gas prices are already putting the brakes on many Canadians’ summer plans. Including one Nathan McGee, 28, who may have to skip his annual tradition of driving across the country,…

L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said analyst Laurie Demarcus. “But ever since these…