Dumb Week

CALGARY — According to local sources, the Weaver family baby is smelling suspicious again after a brief period of olfactory normality. “Well, it’s not the diaper,” said Michael Weaver, after taking a big whiff of his six-month-old…

Scotiabank Arena, Toronto – It’s that exciting time of year when the NBA season really starts to heat up, but personally, I wish it wouldn’t, because I’m stuck inside one of the basketballs. Help! Ow. Ow. Ow. Please stop dribbling! In case…

LOS GATOS, CA – Last week, Netflix posted on their website the release dates of all the prisoners of war they’ve taken throughout the multi-year conflict known as the streaming wars. “With the unofficial ceasefire taking place over the…

SAULT STE MARIE — Local high school teacher Matt Giordano received quite the surprise on Tuesday when an ear candling session not only removed a quantity of built-up wax from his ear canal, but extracted a model three-masted ship. “I have…

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HOLLYWOOD – Gossip is buzzing this week about a new tentpole film release set for next year: Star Guards, starring Skarsgard and Sarsgaard. A synopsis of the film, which dropped Tuesday on the producer’s website, sets out the sci-fi epic’s…

SWEDEN – The long-awaited reunion of Swedish supergroup ABBA has been delayed due to the latest iteration of the novel coronavirus, the highly infectious Mamma Mia! variant. ABBA reunited in 2022 for a virtual concert residency in London,…

MILAN – A public service announcement released by the Policlinico of Milan hospital today reminded people that despite the cold weather of the winter months, they should remember to keep adequately hydrated by drinking at least seven…

WINNIPEG – With much love and encouragement from his friends and family, local man, Matthew Weatherstone, decided to finally seek professional help for his gambolling addictio— Huh? Oh, it means: to playfully skip or make-merry. If you’ve…

BURBANK – Marvel Studios has announced another addition to its packed 2022 schedule, a reboot of the 1980 David Lynch film The Elephant Man. The film is unusual for Marvel, not only because it is not based on any pre-existing Marvel IP, but…