election

CALGARY – In a truly unexpected turn of events, Alberta has stunned voters across Canada by voting exactly the same way they have voted in every federal election for seven consecutive decades. “I’m in total disbelief. I stayed up half the…

by Auston Matthews Hockey fans are always picking on Toronto for blowing leads in the playoffs, like that time we lost to Boston back in 2013, 2018, 2019 or that time we lost to them again in 2024. But say what you will about us, at least…

CARLETON, ON – Despite losing his own riding by several thousand votes, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to stay on as party leader due to having absolutely no employment track record outside of politics. “To all our…

OTTAWA – As the nation heads to the polls Gen Z and Millennial Canadians report having difficulty choosing between Mark Carney, who has promised to allow cost of living to continue to rise unchecked, and Pierre Poilievre, who has vowed to…

QUÉBEC CITY, QC – Authorities are devastated to report that Bonhomme Carnaval, beloved snowman and symbol of Québécois pride, was beheaded at a Liberal rally this week following an order from Mark Carney to keep our “elbows up”. “He was…

CALGARY – During an outdoor campaign rally security rushed a shaken Pierre Poilievre to safety after he was tragically struck by a lone journalist’s question. “Mr. Poilievre was unharmed by the question, but remains badly shaken up,”…

Misinformation and misleading content on Facebook and Instagram from conservative advertising group Canada Proud have skyrocketed in the wake of Meta banning Canadian news from its platforms. Lucky for us at The Beaverton, however, that…

MONTREAL – With a week left in the federal election, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre announced how if Canadians vote for him, he will bring back single use plastic and drastically increase the size of microplastics. In front of a…

OTTAWA – At a recent campaign stop, Prime Minister Mark Carney admitted to being genuinely puzzled why more cash-strapped young Canadians aren’t using elite asset management firms to maximize their offshore investments. “I keep hearing…

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