election

STEWARTSTOWN, PA—With Donald Trump decisively winning a second term as president, local sources reported this week that those tireless civil rights crusaders weren’t so smug now, were they? “This ought to shut up those self-satisfied…

WASHINGTON—In a historic outcome that promised to halt the rising scourge of the United States in its tracks, America has defeated America at the ballot box, sources confirmed Wednesday. “After 248 years of tense and often divisive…

Former President Donald Trump has definitively won the 2024 presidential election. Even the lachrymose corporate media have begrudgingly conceded that fact. But it seems Vice President Kamala Harris has entered the witness relocation…

Montana Republican Tim Sheehy, a Navy SEAL veteran, has unseated long-time Democrat Sen. Jon Tester. Sheehy won 53 percent of the vote to Tester’s 45 percent, according to The New York Times, with 93 percent of the votes in at the time of…

PALM BEACH, FL—In a five-minute phone call that both campaigns described as largely cordial, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly called Vice President Kamala Harris Wednesday morning to congratulate himself on winning. “Madame Vice…

Donald Trump has knocked down the “blue wall” Tuesday and turned Wisconsin red again. The former president won the battleground Badger State’s 10 electoral votes, with Fox News and Decision Desk HQ projecting Trump the winner of the…

Sure, “renowned Iowa pollster” J. Ann Selzer has been wrong before. But this kind of wrong in the polling business can leave a mark. Selzer grabbed a lot of headlines a few days before the election (and not just from her home…

WASHINGTON—Crossing their arms and tapping their feet impatiently, election officials across the nation announced Tuesday night that they wouldn’t release the results of the 2024 presidential race until you had brushed your teeth and put on…

WASHINGTON—Squirming and saying “no, no, no” while aides attempted to calm him down, second gentleman of the United States Doug Emhoff was forced to sit in a corner at his wife’s election night watch party after getting too hyper, sources…

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Wanting to ensure her supporters had ample space to celebrate the big win together, a confident Jill Stein told reporters Tuesday that she had selected Gillette Stadium for her election night watch party. “I think 65,000…