Elon Musk

OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment will be our big telecoms. “Musk took a incredibly…

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk stands to inherit 100 B$ from his late uncle.…

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s Twitter account was briefly suspended for violating the site’s new parody guidelines after he was discovered tweeting in the guise of a “successful entrepreneur.” The sudden crackdown comes following a botched…

SAN FRANCISCO – Newly minted Twitter owner Elon Musk has announced an ambitious plan to generate profit for the first time in company history by charging its users a fee to quit the site. Although the notoriously turbulent social media…

Anyone who had high hopes Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover would usher in sweeping change and transform the platform into an authentic digital public square for robust, freewheeling debate should have had their hopes smashed earlier this week…

YE OLDE PAOLO ALTO – Surprising both maidens and lads, village idiot Elon Musk has purchased the town square and shall now rule it as he sees fit. “I decree that all may now enter the town square and express themselves as they see fit, no…

Just days after taking over Twitter and firing a slew of top executives, Elon Musk announced Friday afternoon that the company will be forming a “content moderation council with widely diverse viewpoints,” and that “no major…

AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know of). “The thought of owning Twitter and forcing my…

L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said analyst Laurie Demarcus. “But ever since these…

World’s richest edgelord Elon Musk has reached a deal to buy twitter. While the deal still needs shareholder approval, it is likely to go through. Here are the 5 biggest changes Musk will make once he takes over. 1. Donald Trump will get…