english profanity

NEW YORK—As extreme heat continued to batter states across much of the Midwest and East Coast, authorities warned Friday that dozens of Americans had died in what’s really the least of the nation’s problems right now. “We’ve seen numerous…

MUSKEGON, MI—Letting out an emphatic sigh as the boy began crying, local dad Harry Moran reportedly lost his patience Wednesday after providing his child with several continuous seconds of emotional support. “Oh, come on, are we still…

TACOMA, WA—Saying “Sure, man, let’s do it” in response to the suggestion he select a model that cost $750 more, local insecure prick Brent Linsky was immediately talked into an upgrade Monday, according to sources at an area Best Buy. “I’m…

NEW YORK—Moaning with pleasure as they revealed that this was exactly what Daddy needed, the nation’s sick freaks held a press conference Friday to announce their plans to get off on that. “Oh yeah, baby, that’s exactly the crazy shit…

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Going about his daily life completely oblivious to his exceptional gift, area man Daniel Clark remains tragically unaware that he possesses one of the top five most beautiful assholes in America, sources confirmed Thursday.…

Eight of the world’s signature flames can be yours with this collector’s set of handcrafted fires made from a variety of flammable materials from around the globe. Includes Zimbabwe thatch hut, old-growth forest, jagged wreckage,…

WASHINGTON—Noting that there were still so many lives to be lost, so much pain to be inflicted, and so much blood to be shed, a new report published Monday by researchers at American University found that when there could be an all-out war,…

LACONIA, NH—Barnstorming across the nation as his presidential bid falters amid weakening poll numbers, Gov. Ron DeSantis covered himself in shit at numerous campaign stops this week in an effort to appear more relatable to the common man.…

SPOKANE, WA—No longer able to suppress their percolating irritation with the self-described “culinary prodigy,” local couple Kevin Cochran and Tina Hayes reportedly ended their mutual silent treatment Thursday to bond over their shared…

Start SlideshowWhile acknowledging their existence or uttering a single word isn’t recommended, here is what you should definitely never say to your freshmen-year roommate.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext Slide“Is it all right if I cremate…