entertainers

NEW YORK—Urging the Grammy-winning rapper to take as much time as he needed on the project, the nation assured Kanye West Monday that they don’t care enough about his forthcoming album, Donda, to justify him stressing so much about trying…

DENTON, TX—Noting their propensity for antics and shenanigans, area couple Zack Evans and Julie Stuber told reporters Monday they think they’re pretty fun. “Say what you will, but we think we’re just a riot,” said Stuber, explaining that…

PALM BEACH, FL—In the wake of numerous legal threats from the professional wrestling legend, sources confirmed Thursday that former President Trump was forced to shut down From The Desk Of Donald J. Trump—a blog he launched only last…

LOS ANGELES—Noting that it had been a difficult but ultimately rewarding decision, Ellen DeGeneres announced to her bound-and-gagged staff Wednesday that she had officially made plans to end them. “These past two decades have been so…

CODY, WY—Referring to the rapper and designer’s latest effort as derivative and lacking the spark present at the start of his career, critics slammed Kanye West for his divorce response Wednesday for blatantly sampling Kim Kardashian’s…

The French electronic music duo Daft Punk announced their breakup after a massively influential 28-year run. The Onion looks back at the top moments of Daft Punk.1987: Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter meet when they’re…

NEW YORK—Acknowledging that he was now completely bankrupt, comedian Jerry Seinfeld confirmed Friday that he was destitute after pouring his entire fortune into the purchase of a $950 million car. “Yes, it was expensive, but on the other…